I'm worn out. I'm tired. All the bullshit you think I could handle are making my knees weak. I just wanted to be there for someone "Be a Hero" but why did alot of things changed All I wanted to be there for someone to have a friend to have someone to love Yet I feel so alone It feels so dark Its so scary it makes me angry saying things I wouldnt have said anymore Doing things I wouldnt normally do Its so scary I dont even realise that I've changed as well but all I wanted was to be a somebody a hero but now all I want is to have someone to hold on to to have someone to love to to have someone to cry to Why do I feel as if everyone's burdens are on my shoulders though i'm not involved. though I got nothing to do with it though it seems to be such a small matter why do I feel like such am I too old for these? but I'm still young I dont get all of this.. maybe I'm just a retired Hero so many things are in my head. so so many things nvm I'm tired.. I need sleep.. and maybe something else aswell night
bahaha I know its kind of..(is) late but what the heck.since everyone's been pestering me to blog i will then..so where do i start?sec 1 camp?
DAY | i get to met my "thingies"..haha..very cute little bunch got all sorts.started of with making of the flag,manged to do it in time as well as going through some cheers and claps..later on was captain's ball..i think they've learned a value somewhere..i just cant remember =X anyways later it was dinner and then BLIND MAN'S TRAIL *dun dun dun...*and guess what?alot of kids nvr bring their blindfolds..how to be blind you tell me?so i and bunch of others went to the P.E room and brought out some old/havent been used shirts.There was nothing to cut with and I remembered I brought my jacknife with me in my pouch but stepharina insisted that she used it..hahaha lady always wins.. so later i brought my thingies up for blindman's trail..shant tell you any details..some very weird predicament but everyone(most of us) we safe and sound..but while we waited for the blindman's trail,Then all sections were to practice their campfire item for campfire night. after the blindmans's trail we had a meeting,washed up and went to sleep..and gosh music room is so cold =X
DAY || woke up at 5 am..reasons are iqbal flashed the flashlights into my eyes -_____- ...and a quick shower and went down for breakfast..bla after bla we went to Sentosa..Yet again i shant tell you the details but what i can say is Sentosa is very very nice =D and everyone came home safe of course*cough*after that was lunch..the muslim boys went for prayers..when we came back it ws indi something games..very very messy @_@..T'was field cooking after the mess..it rained so it got messier.. rocketh to the C.I's and C.I.CAK bros for cleaning the place up.after a few practice it was campfire..MR JAE CAME BACK!!but sadly campfire wasnt like it was like in the past =( nvm a bla after a bla,had a meeting and then showered..decided to sleep with the np boys that night..the hall floor is even colder then the music room..BRRRR =X
DAY ||| woke up "early" to get ready for campcraft com..further details go check yi ling's blog hahaha..but I tell you this,we did well =) i hope camp back to clear the mess we made and went home..T.K.Oed all the way.. thats all bah..nite2..
oh valentine.what troubles you gave me I'm not in the mood..seriously.. tired of this..chasing love and such.. heres something i made up.
" I'm tired of chasing after what i cant reach, surprising me at every move i make You've caught me off guard one too many times you make my knees weak and shiver with you I'm shivering-both scared and excited at the same time I just want to be there for you ever second.every minute.every hour because whenever I'm with you I feel like a hero because you caught me off guard, it makes me think it makes me feel thats why I wont chase you, its too predicable I'm not in the mood because its the only mood i can get or else i feel really down,really low. thats why I want to be with you. the one that I cant live without. my valentines.. my bloody valentine "
mood: everyone stop with the nagging.. song: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Cant Stop
And I wonder if its all for youread the bottom part to understand the pic
1st thing 1st. Happy Chinese New Year. what do people do on cny?visit other people bah!!anyway this would be my 1st visit so I was pretty excited soo.. on FRIDAY..this is what happened
After prayers went to yi ling's house but guess what..i got lost -___-""sad right?haha after 20 minutes i managed to reach to her house.I was seriously "pai sey-ed" going to her house alone.Over there was ken,gou yan,hui ping, and tons of people...too bad the all spoke in chinese and played mahjong..kinda felt left out...nvm bah..to the sake of goodwill,I stayed there and joke around..haha.and I'm not a good cheater while playing cheat =S..too "gentleman". soon it was 5,all of us went down.Most went down to slack..kinda hungry because 1 whole day didnt eat..exited haha -_______-(can blame me?)so Wen su,Irfan and me went to KFC..Azri followed us take bus..same bus to his home lol.then about to order food Yi ling called irfan's phone.She said she was coming since her mum ask her to eat dinner..lol..so decided to wait for her..haha,Irfan went to play with my PSP so I listen to my hp mp3.Yi ling came and we went to ordered..or me and Yi ling..the other two busy playing PSP..rofl..joked around and much then samson keep smsing yi ling.Wen Su then call him say"dont disturb my stead,bui song,come here and fight"and samson smsed yi ling he was on his way,gosh the look on her face..so we waited for him..for an hour..he actually waited for us outside KFC...bah...Yi ling's face so stressed..then Wen Su and Irfan went home and I sent Yi ling to the bus stop coz very dark..not nice for girls to walk in the dark.Later I explained samson everthing.hopefully things are going to be ok.
SATURDAY woke up 7 plus to get ready stuff.The 9 of us were going to MS Cheong and Mr Loh's house..haha learnt something new from Yi ling..oranges are traded not given for fortune.anway WE GOT LOST baaaahhh..so on and so forth,reached to her house,a terrace and gosh was it big.cool..Learned Tai ti there and watched MI.3..also Izzat is an excellent piano player.After that went to Mr Loh's house..didnt know his and mine are very close..anway his child very cute one..haha.and he has very comfy pillows.almost fell asleep there..=X..the CI's came to his house also,herman and his gf came late,we left before he came.went to Long John Silver for lunch and took the mrt home.Yi ling remineded me i had to buy sketch book or else I forgot..bahaha..so when the rest went home,Azri,Fong Ee,Samson and Yi ling followed me go to popular.. after that went to yamaha..Azri wanted to get a guitar string..met Mr Sin and had a bloody long talk..sorry ah Fong Ee and Yi ling..made you girls wait... went home fell asleep at the couch barhx
Today(SUNDAY) went to a picnic..cancelled everything..tommorow will get punish confirm..nuff said..had fun..karma will do the rest...wakakaka..btw cycling and actually cramp up ur thighs...need to work out nyee.. please i beg of you,I got too much things as it is..dont ask me to do this,ask me to do that.I'ma tired person.I give,give and give.let me rest..my body its aching,tired of giving seldom fake smiles,tired of giving in to people..just plain bloody tired.. it felt so blissfull when I didnt go to school.No worries,no nothing.but everything keep chasing me. I thought I threw my feelings of love,but its aching..it misses someone..something needs to be filled..will it be complicated if our statues from good friends to lovers..Will it be that awkward?Are we both too busy to love?or are we too clueless?but with you,I feel that the wings they've clip can make me fly again.I can be a someone.but are we just to remain as friends?is it fated?or shall I make it fate?
Song : Boys like Girls - Great escape Mood : smiling=)
and so I'll blogand we'll walk to where the Sun never sets nor the Night never leaves
you know what?I love these guys.Not only did they find the time to buy me a bdae present,they held my first bdae bash =).They are the ones who I sweat my blood out with,the ones I shared my laughter.yet I feel so apart.
so on FRIDAY Was an unexpected day.At Np room Yiling gave me a superman necklace and said all of them bought it and I knew Shao Hui like it so much and had to give it up.Thanks dude =D The sec 1's came in unexpectedly that day so we made some cheers for them and so on.Thought them a brief intro on drill.Gosh they look so "cute".haha. After that,herman came back to brief us.What he says does make a lot of sense.Shant go into details for that.AFTER the briefing,I got my 1st bdae bashing.Way wetter then I had expected.if you ever wanted the vid,ask me and I'll send it to you =D.All of us we sticky and wet and it was nearly 6.30 when we finished the bdae bash.So the guys took a quick shower and went for Dinner at Tender Best.Azri,Yiling and Fong Ee had to go home.Was really late when we finished our dinner so I and Shao Hui rushed to the 1st bus.hah Izzat showed off his muscles far away while we were waiting for out bus.Rofl?
SATURDAY
Campcraft was really different.Timing improved abit but still can be further improved.After that mr Loh blanja us pizza.Woah!!haha everyone had their fair share.oh yeah I learned back some of my lashings =D cool eh
SUNDAY Early in the morn,mum and grandma gave me "red packet" for my bdae after that I was off to meet the rest at Big Mac at interchange.We took bus no.10 to Raffles with the everyone,gosh it was a long trip..half of us we're sleeping while the other half played with the Hp..nothing to do..haha.when reach there, camwhored them all the way..wen su especially..ask me to take so much photo -____- haha.Had a great walk.Joked around alot seh.Also played "wheres the handphone" with Yiling.=P sorry ah.A photo here and a joke ther,we all had lunch/dinner at BK..expensive sia T.T $20 gone.nvm was worth it..but shallnt tell.anyway we all took the mrt home.Izzat joked everyone that he cant kiss anyone coz of the hat,then when about to kiss wen su,he pushed his hat to another direction..funny sia.Went to east zone and learned how to play racing by Azri..hha and I owned him at this shooting game which name i cant remember =P. Went home after that and decided to have a hair cut..the mr barber man cut very nice..but cut of my 3 month fringe T.T anyways here are the pics i camwhored
We'll roam the streets just for the sake of it
nice view eh?
what do you do when theres 4 handsome guys in a toilet with a mirror? take photos azri,azri..go block samson ish ish ish we tried to run away from them,but these numbers keep coming back to us
damn thats tall one heck of a view eh? We're in it to win it the people who made my bdae very special emoing?or nice pose?i take both We wont stand alone been years since i got a thought full present =)
Mood: a Haiz and a Sigh Song : Hellogoodybye :Here (in your arms)
and whispers I miss you terribly things are soo messed up right now..npcc,studies,life,family.Yet it's too dangerous to share the burden to someone else..I dont wanna sound like a whiney emo bitch ass* no offence to any emos who read this..dont cut yourself* but gosh.
anyway something funny came up while i read fatin's tag on my cbox."sabri!!!!!! one more week! wahahaha! seriously." so i was thinking to myself " what's on next week?got what?the 27 right...hmm" and after thinking for so long I realised..it eas my birthday..sucks to be right?
Seems that i'm pulled back to Campfraft comp.weird eh?as a reserve la.Hopes the group does well.they just need to tighten all their skills.
oh yeah...ART PREP IS A BITCH...hahaha had to let that out =)
i'm sorry if I appear as a jerk to anyone.I just want to be alone some times and when I want your company your not there.It Sucks
thats all la.. np update go yilings blog.she very kuai update
you guys have to really read this entry to understand what's been happening lately in my life or how I feel.If you want to know about the cca fair,go to yilings blog.am I too selfish? am I really fake towards everyone? why cant we just accept each other? why must we find faults in others when we ourselves have faults aswell? Are depending too much? Trying too much? Wanting to be accept? Because I'd rather be with you or be alone then seeing all this posers. then bearing the stupid acts then being criticized for being different then being looked down because I'm not "up to standards" Because I realised that I'm not strong anymore I'm getting weaker. I Feel as if I'm less sane by the events that happen All I want know is company I dont mind who, but I'd like it to be you I missed you I loved you I wanted you but you.. you loved someone else you love him you miss him you want him And no,I'm not heartbroken infact I feel better why? Because I dont have to force myself to think that you like me I dont have to wonder anymore weather you do or not like me I'm tired I suppose why?I dont really know I just am. I'm really tired I'm asking myself why am I doing these things I'm tired of being laugh at even though I try so hard to be nice I'm tired of those who think their cool because they dye their hair because they have a group of friends probably the same group of friends who would run away in an instant when theres a fight and probably the same group of friends who promised to help you in your time of need I'm really sick and tired of this things cant we just run away from it all? cant we? No we cant. That's reality We have to deal with it. how?thats up to us. And its up to us what we want things to be.. though some things cant be altered Its up to us what we want our life to be. I chose mine to have no regrets and speak my mind but somehow i feel I'm regretting it. but I'll find away I always do. thats what I tell myself and always will
and that pretty sums it all i appologies to those of are offended by this entry.
Mood : empty Song : Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang ! my baby shot me down"Do you remember when you were 5 and I was 6? We would always play horses made out of sticks The colours we wore,black and white Can you remember the day I fought for you that night? Remembered that church bells rang while the music played our favourite song? Didnt you read the letter i left you in the old black jacket? BANG BANG Why did you have to shoot me down?" Adapted from Nancy Sintra - Bang Bang,my darling shot me down by sabri
I feel tired.weak.scared.confused.yearning for something. so many thoughts running through my mind..responsibilities,friends,family my future,my heart. School is near..so is O level.I wanna carry on working but its taking a toll on myself.I love NPCC but its taking up so many things.I'm not sure but I think someone likes me.ARGH!?Since when a bloody loser like me have someone liking me..cupid is playing a bad 5-year old joke. Might doing a poetry on lady death.haha see if i got mood to type la..tmr is new year's eve!countdown ok? tc all
mode : one of those nights u wanna stare at the ceiling thinking song : aerosmith - I dont wanna miss a thing ITS CHRISTMAS
so to all who are celebrating,I wish you a very merry Christmas . i'm sorry but I'm not in a christmas mood.Reminiscing about old times with Chin Siang and got me thinking"Will my heart feel the same way to another like I did when I fell in love for the 1st time?"and then something came to my thoughts " What if I were too obsessed like I were a year ago?Woundnt I be abandoning my friends?"got me in quite a puzzle.So I decided to come what may and think before I act.
I want to work on dedication and commitment next year.Suhaimi told me its what I put my mind into will work for me but how much I practice it seems that it'd put me down.Lack of self-confidence?over-confident?or pressure?
I'll work it out one way. I'm really sorry if its not long like usual..I got so much to say but so little to express with.I might be spouting nonsense.But I tell you something though.
I'm not giving up.not now not this far.I'll find away. school's opening soon,you all take care now =)
song : Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
I'll Never Let You Fall,I'll be the First One To Catch your Tears I'll know you'll never love me the way I've loved you but I wanna be one you can turn to, pouring out the sorrows, making you laugh when you dont want to telling you that life's a bitch Helping you decide weather he's the right one for you I want to be the one whole you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on I want to be your guardian angel ~by sabri
How can I say this in a simple term...yesterday while I was in training,my muscle totally froze and moving too much propably cause my ligaments in the thigh to tear..so basically..I'm crippled.
today however, I managed to limp all the way to the bus stop and downtown east to study with Aryani.apparently she has an over protective boyfriend..haha which guy isnt protective of their girl?Anyway had lunch at bk and bought some stuff to help me recover fast..proteins and stuff...
I'll tell you this though..limping one place to another is a bitch..darnit..Steph,who I miss chatting to badly,told me to get a wheelchair..so after much consideration I decided to use the office chair in my room as a wheelchair,Steph was right it is major fun to use.Haha..
I got to go now..very drowsy for once..take care now
It's a Shame I know I've been M.I.A for awhile now,just cant help it.I've become very sleepy now days and the ironic part its I cant nor subconsciously want to sleep at night which makes me rather tired in the day.Its just weird sleeping while hearing strange noises that u know arent possible to hear like a clock ticking but theirs no clock in bed room the rest are all silent and digital,hear the office chair in your room squeak as if someone is using/playing with it..Very disturbing..so yeah thats my reason for not blogging..too tired but if you really want to know whats been happening lately go to suhaimi and yiling's blog to check it out.
Its gonna be different without mr jae in Junyuan anymore.His tranfering to Singapore School of Arts.I could go on and on how much everyone will miss him and what he taught me over the years or no teacher could replace him but words are never enough when someone is going away.Seriously.
Blog hopping to a few blogs and it seems that a bit of love is in the air..haha but the thing is for who??the others lar..me??seriously who would love love me??friend love yes I'm a good friend but love love dunno hahaha..off topic haha.There are alot of things I still wanna type about alot of things and questions that are in my head but lazyness and a moody feeling cancel them off..soI think that's all for now..if I dont blog within 3 weeks take care now and I'm a good friend when in need..but my wallet is light if u know what I mean haha
ps: doesnt anyone have a extra copy of guitar heroes 2 or 3 on ps 2 or tell why the hell does my leg turns so cold as if theres no blood flowing while my body feels as if I'm running a fever??I need to know
Mood:Smiling Song listening :Boys like Girls - Hero Heroine / Coldplay - The Scientist
Nobody said it was Gonna be This HARD
Wow..hanging and goofing off with friends do cheer you up.though I wished I had my old friends with me as well.
I gotta go out more these days..all I do is sleep or play my psp.School is driving me nuts bit by bit..those who hang out with me will know.
but I cant go out much because my left knee is giving trouble to walk and I feel like limping some times.
Yes I would like some company but I dont think its the solution to all my problems.It probably help me kill time so I'll forget whats needed to be forgotten.
"When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likey turned your back on the world."
Mood: Better then the previous post song listening: Nickelback : Fight for all the Wrong Reasons I feel much better..and remember that I said I wanted to cancel everything for this past few days?allot of them did got cancel..due to some reasons..I couldnt go out to meeting today because there was a thunderstorm..my meeting tomorrow is canceled because there was a late notice of delivery work tomorrow..
I wanna find "The Pursuit of Happiness"its a wonderful story and movie..I almost teared when I saw the trailers on Cable and youtube.
other than that,I'd like you guys to view this vid and rate it!its a real well deserve amv..go see ok?
mood: angry song listening to : Red Hot Chili Peppers - I could have lied / Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge Thats the LAST STRAW
ok this is plain irritating..whenever I have a good intent,people think that I'm gonna do something bad or being a jerk.
I'm saying this because of two people's comment to me.Both comments were insults and slaps to my face.
1st.I dont know about the rest,but I've put in my heart and soul into NPCC.Yeah maybe the number of badges are tempting but I love teaching the cadets as much as I love NPCC and those who are in them.So when you said I/We have become cocky because we have become NCOs..I despise you very much because all of us had to sacrifice alot..not only you guys.We still look up to you,well atleast I do and a comment coming from you guys is a real slap of insult.
2nd.Because your my friend,I dont think its wrong to give you compliments and my honest opinion..tell me earlier if you didnt like it.I'm also reminding you the dangers of what your doing.If you dont like my concerns nor my compliments very well then.I'm shutting up.
I know there are people who take me for granted.I'm not ignorant..I play it.I'm not a guy who would purposely go and hurt your feelings.Its plain mean.
I'm also human.I have mood swing.So if your offended I'm sorry,but I'd like you to tell me that earlier.not when its almost at the end of the year,after hari raya when your suppose to forgive and forget.
I dont kill nor do I bite..so was it so hard to tell me earlier?or did you like it to tell it to me when I'm off guard?more fun?
i bloody hate people like this..
ps.sorry for not posting up the art..this whole issue got me annoyed
mood:pissed off/awake song listening : The Killers - Mr Brightside
I tried as much as I could to be as positive as I could..avoiding as much as I can from having mood swings.But end of the day,after my dose Novocaine and Caffeine ran out,it was very hard to control them..suddenly every part of me feels like fighting and crying.Insults only made things worst.
"who wants a guy like me?so what if I'm enthusiastic?Everyone wants either a leader or a bad guy to challenge."
End of the day,everyone thinks I'm lame though I'm trying to cheer them up and I get off tracked in my studies and now I'm the one at lost.I knew if I focused more on my studies and less on everything else I could have gotten back my B's and A's but I brushed them of in the sake of 'friends'.'Friends' who only see my either for my money or skills.Not many only want me for me..Its getting very much sickening.
I've lost alot for the sake of my 'friends' or the people who 'needed' me,my sanity,freedom, my emotions.
Try to go to school to give a fake smile as an assurance that I'm better to yourself and your friends.You'll get tired of it one day or another.
These rules that I make up are the only reasons why I don't go off fighting every person that I think is an asshole.I still got my common sense though my sanity seems to seeping away from me some how.I know if I kick the shit of this one punk,another 3 comes out,then another 6,then another 9 until I have to give up fighting.So I'd rather give up fighting now.If I have to wait for my justice to be served,then I'll just have to wait.
Oh yeah F*ck you if your annoyed reading this.I need to vent my anger out.Thats whats a bloody blog for.If you didnt expect much depression and anger,I suggest you go read my blogger address once again D*ckhead.
God I'm feeling much better after venting that whole crap out.Tomorrow's the 'last' day of school.Jumping for joy because I can sleep in for a few days.
Happy holidays everyone.Gonna post up a new art very soon,probably in my next post,so look forward to it,
If the Hero has to go off an save everyone,who's going to save the Hero?
ah sorry guys..not in pink of health and such..but I got something to make up for it..hopefully you guys can see..smthings wrong with blogger... anywho exams over..more nap time =3yeah thats all I do actually these days..sleep
oh yeah I got a spiffy new watch and a PSP..gotta show it to you guys one day =3
mood : PFFTS (thats two times in a row D=) song : Fall out Boy - The Breaks over,The Take over
walau...you know how irritating it is when u plan to do something then because of one bloody error or not having that items spoils your whole plan?yeah,I was planning to Vlog today/night but apperently my com doesnt accept it no matter what program it takes under as.a total WTF?yeah today went visiting and stuff..My cuzzie/uncle*complicated* staying over playing winning 11 over the ps2.
I'm kinda feeling much better even though there was an awkward conversation early in the morning..shall not talk about it,kinda personal hahas.Yeah,I swear that I'm not flirting with anyone.I'm just being friendly,and sorry if anyone got wrong message.But,if fate will have it that a girl likes me and the feelings mutual,I'll try my best to work it out.The thing I'm scared about relationship as I said many times is,I cant spend alot of time with you/her *who ever is reading* so,it'll make her sad. And the thing that I learn/seen/heard in relationship,that both partners/party must be happy,so how can i be happy when I know she isnt.I'll be happy if she is. (you:whah sabri so sacrificial ah?? me:shush it before I shush ur tush)
uh probably thats all la nights/mornings. *you guys still havent tell me who am I more likely to be,mickey,pooh bear or spongebob*
mood: Pffts/awkward song : Samson - Kenangan Terindah / Yellowcard - City of Devils
ARGH!!!!!!!! Had to let that out.Today like so frustrating.a real "To do or not to do" day..Early morning woke up at 4 for sahur(early breakfast before fast)but then decided to sleep in..than had to choose weather to bring art stuff or not.Decided to bring but couldnt find Mrs Lai nor Hasanah..(dont ask) then at home was deciding weather to go to prayers or not..naturally I went then felt like playing soccer but had to go home..wait mum nag =P.then suddenly fell asleep.didnt plan to update the blog up but I did..uh new songs,more info's and new links.go check them out aites?
For those who cant read the new playlist its Samsons - Kenangang Terinah Yellowcard - City of Devils Linkin Park - Bleed it Out Jay Chou - An Jing Boys like girls - The Great Escape Good Charlotte - Bloody Valentine
I'm kinda losing my grip on things..seriously..God knows why my mind turns blank all of a sudden..I even got a burn mark when iron my uniform..haiz..Things are settling down but why the heck am I still feeling so frustrated??
out of random curiosity, am I more of a spongebob,pooh bear or mickey in overall terms?? just curious thats all..nights all and good luck for what ever you planning unless its taking over the world or cutting down my caffeine supply than your very bad D:
mood: empty/tired song : Sorry,Blame it on me - Akon /Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
Thanks Mariam and Ruzana and the rest who send the condolences.But you two are willing to lend a shoulder,I appreciate that.
I'm just stressed out thats all.I really want to study but every time I come back I get tired easily and then doze off.My brother's not really helping..he's been a pain lately...and when i thought he's changed.Seeing my uncles,aunties and cousins cry so badly makes me feel pathetic.It looks as if I'm heartless.
And then everyone else have somebody to be there always..leaving me out..again..seriously,who would want to listen to my sob stories..Everyone's used to the cheery-happy-go-lucky me..even myself..so I was really shocked myself when I smiled when I goof off with alvin(I planned to sulk all day for some reasons)
I follow mainly 3 rules: 1)Its how you live your life and how people want to remember you as so make the most of it. 2)What is done is done and whats happened has happened..all you can do it to make things or make yourself feel better. 3)Help others not for the sake of doing a good deed,but for the sake of helping and to keep me busy so that I dont remember how stress I am.
Thats why probably every night,I do things to unstress myself so tomorrow would seem better.Probably on Sunday night I didnt do much of "unstressing" so the next day I seemed so annoyed.Cant blame me.I have to take my english and maths paper while my great grandmother is being buried and I cant be there to see her for the last time.
So I would really apologies to those who I "scared"or "shocked" yesterday,monday.
I really just feel stressed up and tired(I even bumped my head to a sharp corner of a table at home) and some reasons even when I try my best to be happy..I still feel hollow..
Maybe I need some time to think what to do next and destress after the exam.Or maybe focus on something else..either on that works..
And maybe asking for a relationship is too much to ask..so I'll just wait and see what happens like I always do
Today at 11.43 a.m,my great grandmother , Zainap bte Awang past away peacefully.She care for everyone,and even raised up her grandchildren up with loving care and never stopped loving.So in loving memory,
Rest In Peace Zainap Bte Awang loving parent,loving grandmother,loving great grandmother You will be missed by all who know you
funny thing is..I couldnt shed a tear..even when I wanted to.I tried to.. but I just could..I always said save you tears for someone that has passed away.Now that someone has really do,I dont know why I still couldnt?Maybe I'm in too much pain..just tonight,I couldnt eat like normal,even vomited out my food.I feel like smashing my head into the wall,but thats no good.I'm regretting so many things...getting angry so easily.
Probably the exams getting to me..or I held too much until it exploded??I dont know..seriously I feel like crying like a baby so bad..but I cant..no shoulder to cry on...too much pride..I really need time alone..night all
mood:restless/irritated/longing for something listening to :swing swing/light up the sky
people these days are saying ILY like their popping in sweets.You guys are hurting her.Stop it please.I really wish i could be there for everything for you but the thing is..as much as I want to I cant.I dont know what to do..
I've been into a relationship so I never know how to comfort someone in matters like this.I'm either too busy with school life,caught up with family matters or tired to do anything else.Thats why I cant be in a relationship.I'm afraid I'd ignore her.That would make matters worst.
but seriously..i feel as if I'm stress out..I need another out let to relieve my stress then other punching the wall(bro keep complaining)drinking pepsi(mum's scared)
I need help..before I start crying..it hurts my eyes..seriously its been along time since I cried...ARGH gd luck for your exams all
I'll be happy-go-lucky like micky,if your willing to wait for be at the porch being my minnie; I'll save you as I become ron,if you'd willing to be my kim; i'll the goofy as spongebob,if you promise to play karate with me as Sandy; I'll save you from luther as superman,if you promise to keep my secret being louis lane
2.Your Relationship with her? alot of stuff,my crappy little friend,i'd tell her anything if i could wich i dont =P.The sweetest little bubble you can find.
3. 5 impressions you have of her 1.she has a high voice 2.taking photos is her hobby 3.shes another one who gotzda biggest smile I have eva known D: another true fact. 4.she really likes the prezzie i gave her 5.she's lame=cute
4.Most memorable thing she has done for you.. she doesnt know it but talking to her actually cheers me up
5.Most memorable word she has said to you.. she talks alot of random stuff so i cant remember much =X
6.If she becomes your lover,you will : let her drink milk so she can grow tallXD
7.If she becomes your lover,things she has to improve on is to: so stop saying she's short..(no ur not)
8.If she becomes your enemy,you will? probably ignore her for a month then reconcile
9.if she becomes your enemy,the reason will be: i'm so thick skin and a loud mouth at times :((yeah same reasons)
10:the most desirable thing you want to do for her is.. to lepak(spend more time)with her..i only know her true msn D:
11.Your overral impression of her is she's so bubbly but need to cheer up abit lifes good
eh kena tagged by mariam xD what the heck uh here it goes
1.The person who tagged you is.. Mariam
2.Your Relationship with her? She's my NCO/Mentor/Ci/Friend/lots of stuff
3. 5 impressions you have of her 1.So bubbly..must have drank alot of pepsi before training 2.she cares alot.. i mean alot like on a scale from 1 to 10 she's like 12 3.she gotza biggest smile I have eva known D: a fact. 4.She loves JYNP like everyone else =D 5.She laughs alot.. i mean alot
4.Most memorable thing she has done for you.. taught me things that can come from the heart and remind me of those things
5.Most memorable word she has said to you.. word dun hab phrase got.
"Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo.But all you want is to ride with someone on the bus when limo breaks down"
Yeah I can still remember it..thats why very memorable to me.
6.If she becomes your lover,you will : cut down her caffeine level..she laughs alot. i mean ALOT.
7.If she becomes your lover,things she has to improve on is to: speak louder sometimes.sometimes only dun scream =P.
8.If she becomes your enemy,you will? probably ask to be friends again
9.if she becomes your enemy,the reason will be: i'm so thick skin and a loud mouth at times :(
10:the most desirable thing you want to do for her is.. a welcome back hug or a cake after bulan puasa welcoming her back to the JYNP family..we miss her lotz.
11.Your overral impression of her is she's so bubbly..wished she can be my sis D:
12.how do you think people around you think about you i make their day/a dickhead(i'm a good actor)/I'm caring
13.the characteristic that you like about yourself I can love...I can draw,I just cant do it properly =D.I'm a good friend.
14.the characteristic you hate about yourself I care too much something,I can be too thick skin
15.the most ideal person you want to be is: Mr Jae
16.For the people who care and like you,say something to them Thanks for motivating me to carry on with life even if you dont know it.
17.Pass this to 10 people you that u wish to know how they feel about you 1.Yiling 2.suhaimi 3.Q-raisha 4.Nisha 5.Fatin 6.Gabriel 7.Ruzana 8.Mariam XD 9.Syafiqah 10.Benedict
Who is no 6 having relationship with: * I cannot tell wait he punch me D:
Is no.9 male/female: * i think she is a she
If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing: *hell no..seriously hell no
When you last chat with no 3.: * msn..now XD
What kind of music that no 8 likes: * reggie? i think alot of jiwang
Does no.1 have any siblings: * uh i dunno
Will you woo no 3: * uh cant tell depends..maybe..why not??DONT ASK ME!!
How bout no 7: * considering
Is no 4 single: * i dunno she never tell me anything these days
What's the surname of no 5: * Hanani
What's the hobby of no 4: * smsing and take picture
Do no 5 and 9 get along: * they know each other i think...both from same cca so have something to relate i guess
Where is no 2 studying at: * JUNYUAN
Say something casual about no 1: * the most reliable relaxed,cute person i know
Have you tried developing feelings for no 8: * she's like a sister to me
Where does no 9 lives: * Tampines
What color does no 4 like: * pink
Are no 5 and 1 best friends: * nahhh
Does no 7 like 2: * they dont know each other and I dont think they'd get together well
How did you get to know no 2: * best buds to buddies to since sec 1
Does no 1 have any pets: * I have no idea
Is no 7 the sexiest person in the world: * guys come after her..i suppose so
oh yeah welcome back mariam =)
its not that I dont want to be in love..I just cant be in love..reasons are much valid.Thats why I act like a jerk so that no girl would date me...
Its funny,my family cut off other relatives meaning I got a few now to visit instead of being so busy at Hari Raya. Dad hardly comes home theses days mainly because of work..He hardly calls.Exams are coming.Its hard to hang out with the rest..I feel like the odd one out..Some how Npcc getting me tired..My hearts asking for a companion yet the same time it'd rather be alone and life is bitting my butt now and then yet I dont cry nor do I cut my wrist..Maybe its too small of a matter to some or too much of a heartache for me to cry.I dont know.
I got no idea how I distanced myself till like this..it sucks..somehow I feel so..weak..useless once again..its like superman having a kryptonite for half a heart.
All my life I wanted to be a hero..a someone..i'm not even a sidekick..i'm a nobody in real life..what have I done?nothing..
But then its the little things that make me feel better.Like goofing off with steph,aiman,syazwan,karan,qraisha and alvin. Going home while listening to my mp3.Having a nap..Reading that comic at the library.Talking to my sec1s..
Makes me feel much better.
yeah I really miss chatting with you on msn...but things just dont work out as I thought it would..
suddenly I feel like hearing kryptonite..so enjoy =)
I took a walk around the world to Ease my troubled mind I left my body laying somewhere In the sands of time I watched the world float to the dark Side of the moon I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float to the Dark side of the moon After all I knew it had to be something To do with you I really don’t mind what happens now and then As long as you’ll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman If I’m alive and well, will you be There holding my hand I’ll keep you by my side with My superhuman might Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak, But still your secrets I will keep You took for granted all the times I Never let you down You stumbled in and bumped your head, if Not for me then you would be dead I picked you up and put you back On solid ground
If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman If I’m alive and well, will you be There holding my hand I’ll keep you by my side with my Superhuman might Kryptonite
If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman If I’m alive and well, will you be There holding my hand I’ll keep you by my side with my Superhuman might Kryptonite
Yeah!
If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman If I’m alive and well, will you be there Holding my hand I’ll keep you by my side with My superhuman might Kryptonite
god today was really wasnt what I expected. Firstly I over slept and had stomach ache..which isnt a good combination..had to rush all the way..then Herman found 2 NCO shirts..argh.. then sevice day,though I was pleased with the group there were annoying residents and alot of big dogs..crap la.. then something unexpected happen..and now herman is pissed at us..crap..No matter what,We're trained to finish what we've started..thats that..late or what get more scolding...we'll finish what we have to do then settle it...probably staying back on Tues to help Karan clean up. then after visiting my uncle for..remembered that I had iconnexion..crap so decided to print out and give it to them on Mon..which means I'd be busy tomorrow..for awhile anyway..
Had another case of the cramps today..twice..I have to see the doctor if this keeps up. and as much as I can,I'm keeping thoughts positive so that others will be but somehow its getting harder..I really am thankful for the encouragement you guys have given me.
looking for a good blogskin..msn me if you found one kayz? nights..uh morning in this case (12.33 am)
"Your making choice to live like this, And all of the noise, I Am Silence."
"And it's still so hard to be who you are, But you've come this far with a broken heart."
Thought I might as well blog before I did my badge arrangement for tommorow.
In all the rush,EOY exams,personal life,trying means to kill boredom and time so that I can keep my mind of fasting..I feel rather lucky to have friends such as yiling,fatin,suhaimi and farah..yeah they have their own groups now but glad they didnt forget about me.
but I want to be in a group as well..I dont wanna be the guy who you always laugh at..Its really degrading when your friends makes fun of you even if when you say you dont like it.it really is... I want a group that have fun like suhaimi's group..hang together like yilings' and understand one and other like fatins'...haiz..but seriously theres a quention that lingers in my head..do you really want to be pals with me??haha answer if you wish..if you dont want to...I'mm not forcing..
anyway... Tomorrow,I shall go door to door from block 700 to 711 taking about crime prevention so please open the door and keeps your dogs inside the house...I dont like being chase..neither do I think that my juniors like it as well haha
its really heart aching.Seriously I think my sec 1 spoilt my day..seriously view this at an instructors point.who would you rather promote a guy who purposely misses 2 trainings than come 1 and repeat to avoid ur Teacher in Charge from calling your parents or would you rather promote a guy who just transfered into your cca and is willing to do best though its already end of the year?up to you..but what really makes me angry is you dont come for NP and yet you complain about a new comer who does?
I dont know la..today suhaimi said I was picking a fight with everyone..I dont know??suddenly I feel so confused.I fucking hate it.Suddenly I'm becoming lonely again..
heres 2 music vids go check them out
Bet on it - Zack Effron -Highschool Muscial 2
Bet On It High School Musical 2 lyrics
Everybody's always talkin' at me Everybody's tryin' to get in my head I wanna listen to my own heart talkin' I need to count on my self instead
Did you ever? Loose yourself to get what you want Did you ever?
Get on a ride and wanna get off Did you ever?
Push away the ones you should've held close Did you ever let go? Did you ever not know?
I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am I'll give it all I got, that is my plan Realize on what I lost You know you can
Bet on it, bet on it Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on me
I wanna make it right, that is the way To turn my life around, today is the day Am I the type of guy who means what I say? Bet on it, bet on it Bet on it, bet on it
How will I know if there's a path worth taking? Should I question every move I make? The thought of lost my heart and it's breakin' I don't wanna make the same mistake
Did you ever? Doubt your dream will ever come true Did you ever? Blame the world and never blame you I will never... Try to live a lie again
I don't wanna win this game if I can't play it my way I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am (Who I am) I'll give it all I got, that is my plan (That's my plan)
Realize on what I lost You know you can (You know you can) Bet on it, bet on it Bet on it, bet on it Bet on me
I wanna make it right, that is the way To turn my life around, today is the day Am I the type of guy who means what I say? Bet on it, bet on it Bet on it, bet on it
Oh...Hold up Give me room to think Bringin' it on down Gotta work on my swing Gotta do my own thing
Oh...Hold up
It's no good at all To see yourself and not recognize your face
Out on my own, it's such a scary place (Ooh)
The answers are all inside of me All I gotta do is believe
I'm not gonna stop Not gonna stop 'til I get my shot That's who I am, that is my plan Will I end up on top?
You can bet on it, bet on it Bet on it, bet on it You can bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it Bet on me
I wanna make it right, that is the way To turn my life around, today is the day Am I the type of guy who means what I say? Bet on it, bet on it Bet on it, bet on it You can bet on me
Gotta Go my own way - Vanessa Hudgens - Highschool musical 2
Gabriella:
I gotta say what's on my mind.
Something about us doesn't seem right these days.
Life keeps getting in the way.
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged.
It's hard to say, but I've gotta do what's the best for me.
You'll be okay...
Chorus:
I've got to move on and be who I am.
I just don't belong here; I hope you understand.
We might find our place in this world someday,
But at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.
Don't wanna leave it all behind,
but I get my hopes up and watch them all fall every time.
Another color turns to grey,
And it's just to hard to watch it all slowly fade away.
I'm leavin' today 'cause I've gotta do what's the best for me.
Just came back from ATC at Pulau Ubin..Totally an awesome exprience though I wasnt used to the conditions.My body keeps aching.I'm having severe body cramps though I stretch often.
I dont know anymore...I know I'm not the only one whose busy,Best bets that Shao Hui or Fatin busier than me..I dont know why I'm feeling so down.I really hate.My minds in a daze at days.. sometimes people keep wondering if I'd drop dead any moment.I feel as if I'm fading away.
I feel totally lost.Hell,I've been doing alot of random things or just laying at home,wishing I could do better.I know it wont change anything but I dont know what to do no less have any confidence to move.
But hear this.It doesnt mean I dont move,means I cant.I'm trying as best as I can to carry on with life.Everything a part and parcel.Thats what I've been taught.To never give up.
yeah Ruzana, its not my fault.You made me to it.All those heart aching jokes.It hurt especially coming from someone like you.You from all person.My all my friends say that I was blind in liking you.Yeap.I liked you.not any more.I gotta keep falling in love with the ones I know keep breaking my heart.Since you think I'm such a jerk because of 1 stupid photo,then I think your 3453632155 times of s jerk for making me go to a transversite friendster as well as calling me gay and showing me those emoticons.
there I let everything out.view the vid I found kaez?
ARGH..freaking flu,seriously no mood to blog.anyway,my cousins are staying here so stress lv is going up probably for afew reasons,safety,both for them and my stuff..i swear things a breaking.My place is in a mess..they're becoming annoying..and its been 4 days... argh...haiz took alot of pics but couldnt find the cable lers.
oh yeah..i shaved..yes its official,i shaved my mustache and beard..@DE$!@#$@R...i look funny,will show you guys when i find the cable kaez?
Everyone's chained to their own problem.how they face it is their way to their freedom.I know someone changed drastically,because his problem became so too complicated for himself.then I know one,whose willing to show everyone that she'll can do it yet theres another,having so much burden on her chest,she got no choice but to run away from it all.
I admit,I may not be facing all my problem,there'd probably be a blood bath hahaha.But I'm trying at my most to cope with it.I cant do all the things i used to because my state is weakening..coughing like hell.sleeping early waking up late.Headaches. you name it.
I'm worn out.
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