I'm going crazy.

Bad guy,

Talk is cheap,

It's as dirty as it gets.

I'll be a man of my words;

i'll do the best that I can.

Allow me to be the bad guy.

Allow me to be fake.

If it means much to you that I'm perceived as a person who has no character;

then so be it.

I know myself more.

I'm learning about myself more and more.

Tell me I'm lying.

Tell me I'm fake.

Tell me so much more so that you can bring me down.

What's so different about you and me? Is the path I took?

The friends I make, the tales I tell?

The truth I see? or is it the lies I foresee?

What's the difference between you and me?

Are you so real? Are you a percentage above me?

Do you think that I'm a disgrace?

O how pathetic you are!

I grit my teeth.

I grew from nothing, and i'll attain everything!

Is the world not a stage and every man merely an actor of this wonderful tale?

Aren't we all the same?

Aren't we all the producer, script writer and narrator?

O what a shame to be looked down by you!

For what I'm worth, I shall hold everything that's dear to me!

Every single penny,

every single soul!

Every single tear,

every single laughter!

For I strive for it!

I am neither cynical nor do I wish to see you in flames dear friend.

For it keeps me moving, for it keeps me alive.

I shall judge my actions, accordingly.

I shall decide what to do, fittingly.

If a little bird mentions to me of my wrongful doing, then praise the lord!

I shall correct it!

I am sorry if I broke your heart dear friend of mine,

but this is for the best.

For the reaper is calling and I am merely stalling his time.

Persistent you and I.

What joy shall this be.

For there are no victors nor failures.

In a new world, everything is a result from nothing, and nothing is left because of everything.

I shall move on to this new world,

with the pennies I scrimped,

with the tears we all shed,

with the laughter we all had,

with the friends I have met.

We all shall move on to this new world,

for we all have nothing.

Fitting for a world that is out from nothing.

lock

I keep them lock, my memories.

Every sin, every deed and every mistake.

I keep them lock.

I'll admit I hated the old me.

He was picked on, confused and was blamed for everything.

His friends at that point stabbed him where he stood.

Yet, in the honour of having friends, he kept quiet.

Used. Played. Mocked.

Yet I pity him.

As I read through my memories, archive by archive,

I saw this young boy who was ready to face the world; changed.

His confidence slipped away and his anger grew.

Hate and grudge.

That boy didnt write it down, but I could read though his bad grammar.

I remembered how he felt.

But in all his hate and in all his grudges, there was a child who wanted attention.

He wanted to be accepted. He wanted to laugh with the crowd, rather then laughed at.

O how foolish were you.

Yet you never gave up.

Out of that failure exterior others and yourself saw,

You accepted anyone's plea for help.

You threw your dignity, almost risked your education, wasted your money and spoilt your youth.

And at what cost I ask you, child.

At what cost?

For others, you lost yourself.

O how foolish were you?

How could such a cheerful guy became to that pathetic person?

At that point of time, I bet with you, you couldnt look yourself in the eyes.

O foolish child, I knew what you did after.

You stiffened your upper lip,

Hardened your gaze

And dusted the dirt that you laid in for so long, off you.

You locked everything away.

To your looks, to your smile, to your name.

Everything locked away; leaving a tiny gap so you wouldnt forget the essentials.

Again you had nothing.

But because you had nothing, the potential of gaining everything was open for you.

You had nothing to lose, because you didnt have anything to risk.

But does your memories haunt you at night some times I wonder.

Level 2; doubt

Whats your worth?are you any value to the society?

Maybe to your friends?

To your family?

What is your worth?

What is your collateral.

What so important about you, that makes you stand out?

If you could ever find the reason,

tell me.

Because I cant find my worth some days.

Moving on

I prefer friends over lovers to be honest.

They're there for you.

They dont come and go.

True friends are as good as your shadow.

But then again..

To have someone to know your jokes, share your laughter and tears.

Having fun under the big blue sky.

That would be wonderful wouldnt it?

I guess I'll keep on moving till I find the right companions to accompany me though-out my journey.

I wonder how long it'll take?

I guess I have to keep moving on.

tell me what you would do

if I happened to get signed

you would probably tell ya friends u knew i would make it with my little damn sick rhymes

take a look at me, 5 years down the road

im not afraid, just excited about what the future holds

always knew I would make it ever since I was a kid

just wanted to feed my family and that was it

but now the situation's changed, my friend's all fucked up

it will never be the same, cause now everybody's a suck-up

I ain't Jack Neo, well I'm just being human

don't you dare tell me what I'm suppose to be doing

cuz i've been thru so much I can't tell who to trust

in a society where money, power equals lust

its a shame, what the world's becoming to

talk about evil when the evil one's becoming you

work so hard just to know you need to pull strings

and I can't give a damn when fucks ask me to do things (YEAH)

I was destroyed when I saw papa in a hearse

since birth music to me was a gift & a curse

Everybody's telling me to stay strong

while I try so hard to get courage just to move along

I gotta take care of my home but I cry when im alone

In my zone i do shit that you will never condone

I will die for my mom, not everybody can say that

I may look angry but I promise you I ain't mad

laughing at rappers that I know i am better than

the fact that they suck is evidently evident

so do you and and imma do me sucker

if you dont like me, sue me motherfucker

level 1; denial

I hate this.

I hate the society.

I hate the crowd.

I hate and I hate and I hate.

Why am I so scornful?

This society,it's a burden.

It took everything from me.

My time,

My health,

My pride,

My "friends"

My love.

All I wanted was to laugh at the end of the day.

But look at me.

I dont need this shit.

I'm not a doormat.

I'm not your butler.

Everthing I have, will be and has been taken away.

What else do I have to my name?

My smile.

Will you want that too?

Same air.

you wake up.

grab the towel.

get your cold shower.

take your coffee and out you go.

Same things in lesson.

Same things after school.

Same things when you get home.

You go to bed with a heavy sigh.

Wake up and the whole thing repeats itself.

At first youre energetic but as time passes by suddenly it becomes a bore, redundancy.

But you gotta keep on smiling. You gotta keep working hard.

Whats the point then?

Youre unhappy with the way it work.

you decide that the world is unfair.

you blame things.

smallest guestures, smallest offence.

everything's a hindrance.

As your mask wears thin, you realise that people has distant themselves away.

Youre starting to ask why.

What did you do wrong?

You hate how you've became a victim of society.

you decide to blame everything on yourself.

you hate how you dress.

you hate how you look.

you hate how you address to people.

Lastly you hate how useless you think you are.

Whats the point?

Shouldnt you be helping yourself before others?

If you think that you're such a disgrace and a burden, ask yourself this.

Are you a disgrace and a burden to yourself?

The world is your stage and you are the actor, the editor, the narrator and the producer.

If you cant change others.

Look down in yourself and ask, is there anything wrong with me?

but then, in my eyes, you are you. Therefore you are perfect in your smallest ways.

People can afford to hate you. But should that let you down?

I think not. why would you let a random actor bring you down to your knees.

Are you not but equal in a blind man's eyes?

Do you not breathe the same air as he?

do you not walk the same grounds he steps?

Does he not have problems of his own?

Does he not have lack of esteem in foreign crowds?

But why must we allow others to bring us down is such despair.

You are the actor, the editor, the narrator and the producer.

What you do, at the end of the day, is your responsibility.

And your choice.

Is not a pity?

Oh how foolish have we all have fallen.

Last days.

you know what sucks,

to imagine it's actually the last few days you're gonna live?

With that in mind, how would you like to leave this place.

I've met some who'se so afraid to meet the lord.

Then there are other's who want to make sure they die with no regrets.

I wonder, what does that make me.

It's pretty scary,you know. Knowing that I'd probably drop dead any minute.

Last week, machines couldnt detect my pulse, I guess it was a hardware failure.

I keep waking up as if I was away somewhere.

Mother dear keep saying I'm looking rather pale.

My chest hurts once in awhile but I'm hoping it's just the healthy lifestyle im adopting.

Then again, who knows.

I'll lead it to the fullest. I will not regret the things I never did.

And I'll die with a smile, not with fear.

Then suddenly

Silly girl

silly girl, didnt you know how much i love you, ever since the day I said hi?

I'd kiss you good night but tonight your'e just far away.

I'd tell you I love you but I told myself I wouldnt so I'll miss my chance again.

I'd tell you every time I never speak to you I miss you like hell, but I cant.

I'd tell you your like a melody in my head but you already know that from the nights I sang.

silly girl, didnt you know how much I love you, ever since the day I said hi?

what i did in 2009

BOLD THE THINGS YOU DID IN 2009!!


Dyed your hair an odd color.
Went skinny dipping.
Bought something you didn’t need.
Snuck out of your house.
Became obsessed with a song no one knew.
Learned a song on your phone with your keypad.
Knitted something.
Ran a mile.
Fell in love.
Said, “like yeahh” too many times.
Lost your closest friends.
Got into a fight with someone you loved.
Climbed a tree.
Did something you said you wouldn’t.
Figured out who your real friends were.
Graduated High School.
Shopped online.
Realized who you truly are.
Sang karaoke.
Flew across the world.
Performed in front of a large audience.
Met someone new you found online.
Found a new band you now love.
Realized that Kanye West essentially sucked.
Got drunk.
Got high.
Spoke to a police officer.
Realized everyone is a hypocrite.
Panicked over something stupid.
Failed a class.
Fell out of love.
Played a video game for hours straight.
Spent time with your family.
Ate dinner alone.
Cried in the shower.
Gained a new family member.
Shot off your own fireworks.
Made a snowman.
Got yelled at for no reason.
Waved at people you didn’t know in passing cars.
Changed your entire look.
Had sex.
Ran outside naked when it was freezing out.
Made your own fire.
Laughed at something that made no sense.
Fell asleep on the phone.
Told someone you loved them.

found this at nad's blog. awesome right

update

this is my fave photogenic person. and bubu. bubu is bubu
Eddie : Hell no they didnt -refer to stomp-

Jing yi : oh noes!
Eddie : this is my grr face! SS it!

Niki : lol ok!
"yeah so I've changed in the past few months and yes to those who didnt knew, I cut my hair and planning to keep it this way"

Monster

His little whispers.
Love Me. Love Me.
That's all I ask for.
Love Me. Love Me.
He battered his tiny fists to feel something.
Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something.

Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here.
Looking through the window...

That night he caged her.
Bruised and broke her.
He struggled closer.
Then he stole her.
Violet wrists and then her ankles.
Silent Pain.
Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams.

Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here.
Looking through the windows.
I will.
Hear their voices.
I'm a glass child.
I am Hannah's regrets.

Monster.
How should I feel?
Turn the sheets down.
Murder ears with pillow lace.
There's bath tubs.
Full of glow flies.
Bathe in kerosene.
Their words tattoed in his veins.

-Meg & Dia, monster

Those words you say, so easily. your passing remarks which are taunts to me.
Those remarks which make me bite my lips, and clench my fist in anger.
Those remarks that break me down.
I know im neither good nor clever but give me some decency and space.

Why do I feel as if I'm thrown to one corner once I've become invalid.

Is every move I've made wrong in your eyes?
You said you gave it all fair, at times i doubt that or am I being selfish.
This is why I never talk about real things.
This is why I'm always in my room and on the computer.
You'll never know how much I'd love to see the beauty of the world.
But then neither did you.

So tell me how to feel; from this marionette you've created. Tell me how should I feel.

then she came along

I was at my worst point today. worse of all I had to keep it under. i had to keep laughing. and smiling.

then she said " I believe you are a good man, I have faith in you".

those words brought me to actual tears.

Only god knows how much I needed her and is so lucky to have met her. even if its just for awhile.

I'm lucky so please dont take her away from me.

please.

insomniac

I've got soul but..

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
...

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on

Help.

Where I feel I was brought from

What Decade Fits Your Personality Best?

Eddie took the "What Decade Fits Your Personality Best?" quiz and the result is 1930's.

You are strong and determined and have what it takes to get through life's storms. You are very helpful to those around you-- be it your friends, your family, or even a neighbor in need. You are a great leader and strong-willed person, and take challenges as a way to better yourself...But you also have a deep sense of warmth and nurturing for those you care about. You are well-rounded and tough because you have to be. You aren't a "diva" but rather a humble person with admirable character. With more hard-working, quality like you, this world would be a much better place. By being able to turn a little into a lot, you know how to make life enjoyable even if it's just through the little things.

Have a nice week people.

Things that I never spoke of

I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn
It feels like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm blind and shakin'
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it

But I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
And I get suffocated, I hate this
But I'm going through changes, changes

hear my plea, please if you could.

innocence

papa...mama..i like..this home..