To be honest. I dont know how to feel.
I feel pretty fucked up.
Am i doing something bad?
Or am i just running away.
Ive lost interest in so many things.
And im tired. Constantly tired.
Its not fair.

I wanna be selfish.
I wanna do stuff too.
I wanna have fun.
I wanna be proud.
I wanna be fit and healthy.
Maybe im just really tired.

Ive done so many things. Been through worse.
Run away kid. Bad tempered. Attempted jumper. Mad man. Liar. Hater. Hated. Black sheep. Lost. Handicapped. Weak. Pathetic.
So many labels.

I just cant say no can I? Why wont i just stay down.

Maybe its because of my family and friends. Probably the only reason.

Was it this hard before N? I guess it was. Kinda forgot how this feels like.

What an idiot, i still mention you. I dont even think you'll remember me.
Thats the problem with me.

I remember faces. I remember their looks. Their expressions towards me.
Happy. Glad. Relieve. Sad. Annoyed. Angry. Hate.
I remember every expression. Its to a point that its haunting me some night.

Maybe im just too tired.