Whats my value?

Some nights like this, I wonder whats my values.
Did I make the right choices?
Something is misplaced in this aching heart of mine and I cant put a finger on it.
Is it guilt?
Is it depression?
Is it fear?

Something is questioning my worth.
I am blessed.
I remind myself.
I am blessed.
Because I am blessed, I am worth.

Dear N

Telah kucuba meminta kasihmu
Biar menjadi ikatan abadi
Namun apa daya terlerai janji kita
Mungkin takdir yang meminta
Namun apa daya terlerai janji kita
Mungkin takdir yang meminta

Bermusim kita bersama
Menyemai ikatan cinta
Tak mungkin kasihku hilang
Kukunci hati untukmu

Ku genggam kenangan indah
Simpanlah senda gurauan
Andainya kau kerinduan
Itulah jadi penanwar

Sungguh ku terharu dan pilu
Kasih kusemai kau abaikan

Putusnya ikatan cinta
Mungkin tiada jodoh kita

Menangis hati ini
Ku juga bersimpati
Hancurnya harapanku
Maafkan sayang

Kasihmu yang berubah
Aku pun tak menyangka
Itulah alasanmu, pergilah sayang

Biar rindu di kejauhan
Menemani hati yang gelisah
Semoga bertemu jua kebahagiaan

Telah kucuba meminta kasihmu
Biar menjadi ikatan abadi
Namun apa daya terlerai janji kita
Mungkin takdir yang meminta

Namun apa daya terlerai janji kita
Mungkin takdir yang menimpa

Dear N,
Hows your exams doing?

The last time I heard, you were going for your final presentation.

They say the place youre in is lovely this time year.

I'm doing well here I guess.

Some times I wonder what happened if we ever met personally.

Maybe in a parallel world, we'd be together.

Who knows?

You've always kept the faith alive.

I'll never forget that.

Kinda sucks we never get to talk.

We have nothing to talk about anymore I guess.

Hows it like there?

Have you met anyone?

Hopes he treats you well, I never could.

Trying to be the best at what I do is tiring.

And it's getting lonely trying to move up.

You'd always give me the best advice,

What would you say if I told you I wanted to give up so much?

It's getting scary.

Help me.

Because I need you more than ever now.

But the past can never return right?

Things can never be the same.

I understand that.

So I'll find a way.

Rest well N.

You say good morning, and good evening

The day is done, and you've come to find

The words are fleeting, I hear your quiet breathing

Is something wrong?

You come on two knees, with more than two needs

Finding that it's all too easy

To be helped and found

You slept and he said

(Chorus)

It is in you, to carry on

It is in you, to lay down fears that hold

It is in you, to find your way home

Daylight's coming, the sun is blazing

New beginnings seep into you

But in the end it's distant shadows

That finally overwhelm your senses

And this time around

Is it love that you crown?

And this time around

You'll be more than who you are

(Chorus)

It is in you, to carry on

It is in you, to lay down fears that hold

It is in you, to find your way home

[Guitar]

[Drums]

Whoa oh oh oh...

(Repeats)

Could you find yourself a way home? (4x)

(Chorus)

It is in you, to carry on

It is in you, (ohh) to lay down fears that hold

It is in you, (ohh) to find your way home

An old lover should me this song. It reminded me to be better.

The last I heard, she repenting.

I should too.

Gotta find my way home too.

Dear N,

Every time I think of her, I think of you.
Isnt this bad?
Sigh, as much as I had to admit it,
Both of us turned cold.
We have lives to lead. Dreams to follow.
Remember how we used to joke?
How we'd run away on a bike, to travel the world. Just with clothes on our back and money in our wallets.

I blame the feastive season. Its this time round that I'll think of you.

Sigh. What a shame!

Back to the matter at hand.
As I think of her, I think of you.
Does that make her a replacement?
Than thats just mean.
Why do I keep feeling that I wont regret knowing her.
Its her eyes maybe.

I should say hello. To get it out of my system.

I wonder though, do you talk about me during this feastive season?

Maybe not.

As I thought to myself

I kept thinking and thinking.
I wondered what was wrong.
I wondered what went right.
Have you ever realise that the actions and events that took place were faults of your own?
Your ego and pride.
Is the reason things happened that way?

I thought of several things that night.
And realise that all I can do now,
Is bite onto the bitter humble pie.
Making sure it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
So I'll remember.
My ego and pride will be my downfall.
It will be the reason why no one will be close to me.
It will be the reason why I'll feel empty.

I laugh it off. Even with nothing, I am still me.
For all that I have lost, I gained much more.

For that is just me.
What a shame it had to be.

Dear N,

I know we don't talk often anymore but I saw this girl, and she had the same warmth as you did.
Maybe I'm over reacting.

But I wanna talk to her.
She reminded me the same feelings when I wanted to talk to you too.

I'm in a mess right now.