yawn

sorry guys,no music reference,no moods or whats so ever.I'm just gonna blog about why i'm not blogging as much these days.and the reason is I'm addicted to "God Of War"!!no just kidding.

I'm just really won out these few days and people around me dont seem to help.They put me down.I keep a smile on my face,they find another reason to put me down.

I think that I've explain in my previous post that i'm recovering from muscle stress or something like that..dunno what the doc calls it.

My weekend are really,well most of the time are busy.Its either work or school.I dont know who wants to hang out with me during the weekends but you do just tell me in advance so we can hang out.

and yes god dammit.I am tired,worn out and irritated/stress as the next guy.so for those who whine to me about every single fucking detail or show pms(i dont care weather your a guy or a girl)..unless its damn important to me,please..fuck off.

and yes btw,"god of war" rocks as much as pepsi.And i love pepsi alot.=)

Its Just that

Mood : "I cant be bothered" state
Song : Peterpan - mimpi sempurna

Its Just that

I love NP.I swear i do.The EXCOs who I've grown with for more then 3 years are more then friends to me.Their the only who can makes the terrible feeling in me gone for a moment.And in that moment gosh how i feel things should be like that forever.I just feel I've distant myself with the rest.I feel pathetic now days.And extra weight to the rest..I'll only slow them down like in the hike from ATC at Ubin to the port to Singapore or the 1st few days of campcraft training.Their at a higher level from me,every single one of them.I feel like the extra guy in every anime story or in movies.It makes me want to step up but in the other hand,i feel as if I cant go further.
gosh i have no mood to talk these few weeks..if you say i'm emo..I'm venting out my frustrations..

this is a short post but night anyways

i wont lie

Mood:Hurting
Song : 30 seconds to mars - hero
Coldplay - scientist
I'm sorry for not blogging like I did in the past or in the previous blog.I've been busy and tired.The usual crap but I have to admit something.
I've been having a series of headaches that would make my knees weak.Would make me cry.Would stop me in my tracks.I dont know weather anyone has experience something like this but it hurts.I'm not trying to be a whiny bitch but it does hurt.It goes on and off.Doesnt tell me what causes it and what stops it.Its also making my body do very weird things;shivering,cold sweat,breathing difficulty,heatyness and feeling light headed.some say its in my head.some say I need rest

I'm sorry that I've not been coming to school.
I'm sorry that I've not been attenting NPCC
I'm sorry that I've not been in my top form
but still,

I want to be at my best
I want to make people smile
I want to make the best at every outcome
I want to be at the top
I want to find someone to be with
I want to be an idol to someone
and

I'm trying to do my best
I'm trying to make people smile
I'm trying to change
I'm trying not to get involved with so many things
I'm trying not to be so obsessed being the odd one out
I'm trying my best to make it seem that everything is ok
I'm trying
but

the pain..it wont go away.Everything I do,everything I've done,everything that I've hope for is disappearing.I feel as if I'm fighting a losing battle.
The people around me,the dont seem to be helpful.Some mock on what I believe on,who I believed in.Some took a drastic change and become what I'd feared the most.Some are taunting me,trying to make me do things I would never do.

hahaha..its late,night all

oh how things have become

I'm worn out.
I'm tired.
All the bullshit you think I could handle are making my knees weak.
I just wanted to be there for someone
"Be a Hero"
but why did
alot of things changed
All I wanted to be there for someone
to have a friend
to have someone to love
Yet I feel so alone
It feels so dark
Its so scary
it makes me angry
saying things I wouldnt have said anymore
Doing things I wouldnt normally do
Its so scary
I dont even realise
that I've changed as well
but all I wanted was to be
a somebody
a hero
but now all I want is
to have someone to hold on to
to have someone to love to
to have someone to cry to
Why do I feel as if
everyone's burdens are on
my shoulders
though i'm not involved.
though I got nothing to do with it
though it seems to be such a small matter
why do I feel like such
am I too old for these?
but I'm still young
I dont get all of this..
maybe I'm just a retired Hero
so many things are in my head.
so so many things
nvm I'm tired..
I need sleep..
and maybe something else aswell
night

late update

bahaha I know its kind of..(is) late but what the heck.since everyone's been pestering me to blog i will then..so where do i start?sec 1 camp?

DAY |
i get to met my "thingies"..haha..very cute little bunch got all sorts.started of with making of the flag,manged to do it in time as well as going through some cheers and claps..later on was captain's ball..i think they've learned a value somewhere..i just cant remember =X anyways later it was dinner and then BLIND MAN'S TRAIL *dun dun dun...*and guess what?alot of kids nvr bring their blindfolds..how to be blind you tell me?so i and bunch of others went to the P.E room and brought out some old/havent been used shirts.There was nothing to cut with and I remembered I brought my jacknife with me in my pouch but stepharina insisted that she used it..hahaha lady always wins..
so later i brought my thingies up for blindman's trail..shant tell you any details..some very weird predicament but everyone(most of us) we safe and sound..but while we waited for the blindman's trail,Then all sections were to practice their campfire item for campfire night. after the blindmans's trail we had a meeting,washed up and went to sleep..and gosh music room is so cold =X

DAY ||
woke up at 5 am..reasons are iqbal flashed the flashlights into my eyes -_____- ...and a quick shower and went down for breakfast..bla after bla we went to Sentosa..Yet again i shant tell you the details but what i can say is Sentosa is very very nice =D and everyone came home safe of course*cough*after that was lunch..the muslim boys went for prayers..when we came back it ws indi something games..very very messy @_@..T'was field cooking after the mess..it rained so it got messier..
rocketh to the C.I's and C.I.CAK bros for cleaning the place up.after a few practice it was campfire..MR JAE CAME BACK!!but sadly campfire wasnt like it was like in the past =( nvm
a bla after a bla,had a meeting and then showered..decided to sleep with the np boys that night..the hall floor is even colder then the music room..BRRRR =X

DAY |||
woke up "early" to get ready for campcraft com..further details go check yi ling's blog hahaha..but I tell you this,we did well =) i hope
camp back to clear the mess we made and went home..T.K.Oed all the way..
thats all bah..nite2..