I'm going crazy.

Bad guy,

Talk is cheap,

It's as dirty as it gets.

I'll be a man of my words;

i'll do the best that I can.

Allow me to be the bad guy.

Allow me to be fake.

If it means much to you that I'm perceived as a person who has no character;

then so be it.

I know myself more.

I'm learning about myself more and more.

Tell me I'm lying.

Tell me I'm fake.

Tell me so much more so that you can bring me down.

What's so different about you and me? Is the path I took?

The friends I make, the tales I tell?

The truth I see? or is it the lies I foresee?

What's the difference between you and me?

Are you so real? Are you a percentage above me?

Do you think that I'm a disgrace?

O how pathetic you are!

I grit my teeth.

I grew from nothing, and i'll attain everything!

Is the world not a stage and every man merely an actor of this wonderful tale?

Aren't we all the same?

Aren't we all the producer, script writer and narrator?

O what a shame to be looked down by you!

For what I'm worth, I shall hold everything that's dear to me!

Every single penny,

every single soul!

Every single tear,

every single laughter!

For I strive for it!

I am neither cynical nor do I wish to see you in flames dear friend.

For it keeps me moving, for it keeps me alive.

I shall judge my actions, accordingly.

I shall decide what to do, fittingly.

If a little bird mentions to me of my wrongful doing, then praise the lord!

I shall correct it!

I am sorry if I broke your heart dear friend of mine,

but this is for the best.

For the reaper is calling and I am merely stalling his time.

Persistent you and I.

What joy shall this be.

For there are no victors nor failures.

In a new world, everything is a result from nothing, and nothing is left because of everything.

I shall move on to this new world,

with the pennies I scrimped,

with the tears we all shed,

with the laughter we all had,

with the friends I have met.

We all shall move on to this new world,

for we all have nothing.

Fitting for a world that is out from nothing.

lock

I keep them lock, my memories.

Every sin, every deed and every mistake.

I keep them lock.

I'll admit I hated the old me.

He was picked on, confused and was blamed for everything.

His friends at that point stabbed him where he stood.

Yet, in the honour of having friends, he kept quiet.

Used. Played. Mocked.

Yet I pity him.

As I read through my memories, archive by archive,

I saw this young boy who was ready to face the world; changed.

His confidence slipped away and his anger grew.

Hate and grudge.

That boy didnt write it down, but I could read though his bad grammar.

I remembered how he felt.

But in all his hate and in all his grudges, there was a child who wanted attention.

He wanted to be accepted. He wanted to laugh with the crowd, rather then laughed at.

O how foolish were you.

Yet you never gave up.

Out of that failure exterior others and yourself saw,

You accepted anyone's plea for help.

You threw your dignity, almost risked your education, wasted your money and spoilt your youth.

And at what cost I ask you, child.

At what cost?

For others, you lost yourself.

O how foolish were you?

How could such a cheerful guy became to that pathetic person?

At that point of time, I bet with you, you couldnt look yourself in the eyes.

O foolish child, I knew what you did after.

You stiffened your upper lip,

Hardened your gaze

And dusted the dirt that you laid in for so long, off you.

You locked everything away.

To your looks, to your smile, to your name.

Everything locked away; leaving a tiny gap so you wouldnt forget the essentials.

Again you had nothing.

But because you had nothing, the potential of gaining everything was open for you.

You had nothing to lose, because you didnt have anything to risk.

But does your memories haunt you at night some times I wonder.

Level 2; doubt

Whats your worth?are you any value to the society?

Maybe to your friends?

To your family?

What is your worth?

What is your collateral.

What so important about you, that makes you stand out?

If you could ever find the reason,

tell me.

Because I cant find my worth some days.

Moving on

I prefer friends over lovers to be honest.

They're there for you.

They dont come and go.

True friends are as good as your shadow.

But then again..

To have someone to know your jokes, share your laughter and tears.

Having fun under the big blue sky.

That would be wonderful wouldnt it?

I guess I'll keep on moving till I find the right companions to accompany me though-out my journey.

I wonder how long it'll take?

I guess I have to keep moving on.

tell me what you would do

if I happened to get signed

you would probably tell ya friends u knew i would make it with my little damn sick rhymes

take a look at me, 5 years down the road

im not afraid, just excited about what the future holds

always knew I would make it ever since I was a kid

just wanted to feed my family and that was it

but now the situation's changed, my friend's all fucked up

it will never be the same, cause now everybody's a suck-up

I ain't Jack Neo, well I'm just being human

don't you dare tell me what I'm suppose to be doing

cuz i've been thru so much I can't tell who to trust

in a society where money, power equals lust

its a shame, what the world's becoming to

talk about evil when the evil one's becoming you

work so hard just to know you need to pull strings

and I can't give a damn when fucks ask me to do things (YEAH)

I was destroyed when I saw papa in a hearse

since birth music to me was a gift & a curse

Everybody's telling me to stay strong

while I try so hard to get courage just to move along

I gotta take care of my home but I cry when im alone

In my zone i do shit that you will never condone

I will die for my mom, not everybody can say that

I may look angry but I promise you I ain't mad

laughing at rappers that I know i am better than

the fact that they suck is evidently evident

so do you and and imma do me sucker

if you dont like me, sue me motherfucker

level 1; denial

I hate this.

I hate the society.

I hate the crowd.

I hate and I hate and I hate.

Why am I so scornful?

This society,it's a burden.

It took everything from me.

My time,

My health,

My pride,

My "friends"

My love.

All I wanted was to laugh at the end of the day.

But look at me.

I dont need this shit.

I'm not a doormat.

I'm not your butler.

Everthing I have, will be and has been taken away.

What else do I have to my name?

My smile.

Will you want that too?

Same air.

you wake up.

grab the towel.

get your cold shower.

take your coffee and out you go.

Same things in lesson.

Same things after school.

Same things when you get home.

You go to bed with a heavy sigh.

Wake up and the whole thing repeats itself.

At first youre energetic but as time passes by suddenly it becomes a bore, redundancy.

But you gotta keep on smiling. You gotta keep working hard.

Whats the point then?

Youre unhappy with the way it work.

you decide that the world is unfair.

you blame things.

smallest guestures, smallest offence.

everything's a hindrance.

As your mask wears thin, you realise that people has distant themselves away.

Youre starting to ask why.

What did you do wrong?

You hate how you've became a victim of society.

you decide to blame everything on yourself.

you hate how you dress.

you hate how you look.

you hate how you address to people.

Lastly you hate how useless you think you are.

Whats the point?

Shouldnt you be helping yourself before others?

If you think that you're such a disgrace and a burden, ask yourself this.

Are you a disgrace and a burden to yourself?

The world is your stage and you are the actor, the editor, the narrator and the producer.

If you cant change others.

Look down in yourself and ask, is there anything wrong with me?

but then, in my eyes, you are you. Therefore you are perfect in your smallest ways.

People can afford to hate you. But should that let you down?

I think not. why would you let a random actor bring you down to your knees.

Are you not but equal in a blind man's eyes?

Do you not breathe the same air as he?

do you not walk the same grounds he steps?

Does he not have problems of his own?

Does he not have lack of esteem in foreign crowds?

But why must we allow others to bring us down is such despair.

You are the actor, the editor, the narrator and the producer.

What you do, at the end of the day, is your responsibility.

And your choice.

Is not a pity?

Oh how foolish have we all have fallen.

Last days.

you know what sucks,

to imagine it's actually the last few days you're gonna live?

With that in mind, how would you like to leave this place.

I've met some who'se so afraid to meet the lord.

Then there are other's who want to make sure they die with no regrets.

I wonder, what does that make me.

It's pretty scary,you know. Knowing that I'd probably drop dead any minute.

Last week, machines couldnt detect my pulse, I guess it was a hardware failure.

I keep waking up as if I was away somewhere.

Mother dear keep saying I'm looking rather pale.

My chest hurts once in awhile but I'm hoping it's just the healthy lifestyle im adopting.

Then again, who knows.

I'll lead it to the fullest. I will not regret the things I never did.

And I'll die with a smile, not with fear.