My left arm is going numb again.

It feels so light abd heavy at the same time.
I can clench my fist.
I can flex my arms.
I can stretch my fingers.
But there's this constant numbness in my left arm.
How scary is that?

When did it become so hard to fly

This sucks. When did reality became the cause that I'm rooted down.
When did I became so pessimistic.
Why do I keep blaming things.

It sucks so much to know I cant push myself.
I hate it.
I hate myself.
I really do.

Im just hoping NS will do me good.

Close your eyes; the moon is bright tonight | Hello old friend.

"My eyes are crying because theyre sore.
My body is begging me to sleep.
My head is aching.
But my mind cant allow me to sleep.
Oh dear..

Theres something a miss,
Something unsettling. I cant put a finger on it.

Close youe eyes.
Lay your body down.
Rest your head
And let your mind drift away.
Just tonight.

For tonight is a special night.
For the moon, it glows so bright for you.
So dont be afraid.
Dont worry your heart out.
Tonight the moon will keep us,
The lonely children of the skies company.
For it shines as bright as you first saw her"





Its been awhile blog. How has it been??
Pretty quiet eh? Me? Oh I've changed I guess. People tell me I change like the leaves.
My god sister told me I've lost my smile.
I never noticed that. Hahahahaha.
These days I try to avoid conflict and laugh more often. It stops me from getting angry all these time.
Theres so many things Ive met that I didnt tell you. Where do I start?
Where oh where do I begin?
Maybe I'll list down a few titles and touch about it another day?
That sounds good. Im enlisting to the police force in sep 11.
Hahahaha. What a day right? Best to be brushing up my english before I enlist.
So here they are.

Saving a drowning cat.
Condamn.
Friends.
Graduation.
Service implementation.
Family.
To see the world.
Working in a different world.
Moving forward.
Dear future me.

Yeah I guess these are pretty good titles to sum up these past years.
Hopefully when Im done with this someone in the near future would have a good read.

I find it very funny how Ive changed.
6 years ago, I hated almost everything and was in denial. I wonder if Im still the same person?

Kinda weirds me out to constantly think that we're better than the year before. And the loop keeps on repeating. Maybe I'll look back and wonder what kind of dumbass I am right now. I've made it a principle to lead with no regrets. I wonder if I can still hold on to it. Hahahaha.

We'll see.
Good night blog. We'll meet again.

Haunting memories.

I cant sleep. Im scared to sleep.
Why?

Every time I close my eyes,
my mistakes haunt me.
My mother's tears,
My brother's anger,
My uncle's cry
And
My father's sadness.

They haunt me. My foolishness and temper got the best of me.
Every other night I wonder if I keep dissapointing them.
What should I do to please them.
That need to be forgiven has caused me to choose preference over status quo.
I don't feel free these days.
I feel bound.
Yet there are no chains.
There are no sins.
There are no tears.
Why am I do I feel bounded to my responsibilities?
Is it because of fear and guilt.
Is it because of honor and pride?

I do not feel safe sleeping when my whole world stops at a standstill.

I feel as if the best choice is to return
to seclusion but I know all that will bring me is emptiness and alone once again.

I appologies if I have become too distant but until these dreams stop haunting me.
Until my fear is over.
When I feel as if I can fight against the world.
I will return.

Till then, may the lord bless my soul as the damned continues to wretches and dye my innocence black.

Amen.

I'm not angry, I'm sad that I make too much effort. No one's to blame except me.

There are too many bad people, too little good souls