Sebelum cahaya

ku teringat hati
yang bertabur mimpi
kemana kau pergi cinta
perjalanan sunyi
engkau tempuh sendiri
kuatkanlah hati cinta

ingatkan engkau kepada
embun pagi bersahaja
yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya
ingatkan engkau kepada
angin yang berhembus mesra
yang kan membelaimu cinta

kekuatan hati yang berpegang janji
genggamlah tanganku cinta
ku tak akan pergi meninggalkanmu sendiri
temani hatimu cintaingatkan engkau kepada
embun pagi bersahaja
yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya
ingatkan engkau kepada
angin yang berhembus mesra
yang kan membelaimu cinta

I remeber a heart full of dreams,

where are you now love?

The silent jouney

that you have faced alone

Steel your heart love

~

A steelheart that always keeps its promises

hold my hand my love

I wont go away and leave you alone

I would accompany your heart, love

shagged.

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

too effing shagged. darn it nikki! I SHALL SS YOUR RED CHEEKS ONE DAY. YOU JUST WAIT!

even God knows

this was stated on my facebook app; God wants you to know..

"On this day of your life, Eddie, we believe God wants you to know ... that the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang the best.

Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you are, work with whatever is at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along."

Even God knows I'm procrastinating.

GAAHH WHERE ARE YOU?!, oh yeah you went out -_-

crap

i cant focus

sush, dont tell

and we laugh.

my gosh thats be biggest smile I've seen

dear lord

"you called me buddy and showed your interest in me , but what do I have with that if you don't cross the ocean to be with me to see we are just meant to be "

Dear lord,

protect her as well as you protect my family oh so well. She has become such a dear part to me, have you not known.Because of her, I breathe another breath with a smile. I wait for the next time when we speak to each other. About sweet nothings. I wait for the next time when we laugh. Because we want to.

I have never known someone with such innocence and strength. To be for someone just because he is a person. Not a someone.

For every breathe I give to you my lord, please protect her steps and for every breathe you return to me, I shall show her the meaning to be loved.

Dear lord,

protect her with all my heart for I cannot be there when I am needed.

Dear lord,

show her how much I love her as much as you love each and every of your creations.

Dear lord,

let her only shed tears of joy and never of pain and sadness.

Dear lord,

protect her smile for I look forward to it everyday.

bless it be.

this is fun

the things i do when im msn-ing with nikki >:D told you i'd do it.

draw joker's face
OH NOES SHE'S WATCHING ME
FINNALLY CAUGHT HER YAWNING AHAHA!
this totally happens...

and she would lol when i fall asleep.

i have a new friend, her name would be nikki

let me be me

3 doors down - let me be myself

I guess i just got lost being someone else,
I tried to kill the pain
But nothing ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around
and find myself some day

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Would you Let Me Be Myself
Coz I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world i knew
And take back all of these times
That I gave in to you

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

That's all i ever wanted from this world
Was to let me be me..

Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

I've been busy lately. and I've been stressed out so much. I couldnt help it. I felt as if i was being someone else. but then I met someone who made me feel as if I was normal. and I needed that.

Through late night laughs, just staring at each other making funny faces. it made me feel a whole much better.

thank you nikki :]

i needed that

" I want those wings"

" wings? you wanna fly? lets"

must be the christmas spirit.

well everything is the same again. nothing to be fret of. mom is talking. the whole family is laughing. I even went for a modelling interview and got in. thats a wowzer isnt it? haha.

i feel like talking so much right now. There are so many things on my mind. I think bout the road less traveled. I think about the other way around.

I wonder why things changed. just like today while everyone was at the children department and i strolled down the toy section i wondered; "when did i grow too old for this"

then I wondered when did I became a father or even an adult before I knew I was a teenager. or did it pass me by? I get so worried and uptight some times. I fear about what people think and people say. I wonder, if that was me before? when did I realise I couldnt be reckless anymore.

When did I start paying for myself and others. when did i realise that I couldnt depend on my mother for everything?

It scares me. It puts me awake till 4 at days. It makes me wonder if others are the same or is it just me. am I being paranoid? I hope not.

I really need someone. to talk to. to laugh with. someone I can call my own. Not worrying that she'll run away or be disappointed with me for being who I am.

I need someone right now so badly. And I know there are alot of people who've been my side this couple of months. but their not mine to keep. but I thank you all. you know who you all are.

Nad, Afiq, Kas, Jing Yi, Marietta, Mom & Dad , Miles and not to forget Syimah. Im really greatful to have met this kind of people. They make me never to regret what I've done and feel good about myself because I did something good and I should feel good. thanks.

but this constant fear in the back of my mind some how makes me feel as if im drifting apart. It scares me at times. But I've got no worries since for the past 6 odd months it makes me feel as if im a new person. :)

thank you.

happy christmas everyone and see you all in the new year

god bless.

Gone

Am I such a wasteral you?

Did you think I was such a hypocrite?

Did I break you so bad that you wouldnt accept me?

Wasn't I the best I could be?

Couldn't you have just given me some slack?

No you wouldn't get a trophy but atleast you knew now.

You wished to return things back to normal

yet you ignore me as if I killed many

I needed you so much but you weren't there.

or were you?

You had to entertain them.

Yes you loved me and worked your hardest to get me everything I want.

but didn't you notice it wasn't what I wanted?

Yes I know what I did was wrong

but to the extent that you fear that I'll become such a villain due to that?

I've been doing it for 2 years.

Yes it was behind your back but I didn't like it either.

Do you fear that all this while, what you saw and knew wasn't me?

I was always myself.

I always loved.

I always was there.

But you've placed me in such position I cant speak.

You've made me stay away from the only place I called sanctuary.

You called me a coward for trying to avoid you

and I admit. I am. I'm weak.

I'm so weak that I cant help breaking your heart.

I thought you'd let me be me.

but instead you wanted me to be someone else.

A mirror of what you wished you were.

Didn't you?

I always felt what I did was never enough.

You kept singing praises of others.

Didn't you know that it let me down.

I gave alot more then you knew.

My friends.

My love.

My physical state.

at one point my mental state.

You said you were all alone, yet you wouldn't bother to open up anymore.

Do you hate me that much?

So many times I've kept thinking what would be like for all of you if I were gone.

Do you know what it'd do to a person.

To imagine how he never existed. It would drive him insane.

You told me countless of time how you wished you never have met him.

But didn't you know that you were wishing I was never here as well?

Your fears of me not supporting you later in the future.

I swore myself it would never happen.

Even death be upon me.

I swore on myself that I wouldn't be that villain you saw when you were young.

I swore on the Quran that I would never have changed.

I am me.

But I fear I'll be gone before you noticed that.

All this while. I was me.
This was probably the 2nd time I thought of doing it.

But I reminded myself why I didn't do it before.

I have never wished ill nor bad mouth you in front of a crowd of 1200.

Yet you seem so easy to do it.

You said my ego was to high.

Guess where I got it from.

Mother.

I'll get out of your hair before you know it.

I'll be gone before you know it.

I'm sorry.