Gone

Am I such a wasteral you?

Did you think I was such a hypocrite?

Did I break you so bad that you wouldnt accept me?

Wasn't I the best I could be?

Couldn't you have just given me some slack?

No you wouldn't get a trophy but atleast you knew now.

You wished to return things back to normal

yet you ignore me as if I killed many

I needed you so much but you weren't there.

or were you?

You had to entertain them.

Yes you loved me and worked your hardest to get me everything I want.

but didn't you notice it wasn't what I wanted?

Yes I know what I did was wrong

but to the extent that you fear that I'll become such a villain due to that?

I've been doing it for 2 years.

Yes it was behind your back but I didn't like it either.

Do you fear that all this while, what you saw and knew wasn't me?

I was always myself.

I always loved.

I always was there.

But you've placed me in such position I cant speak.

You've made me stay away from the only place I called sanctuary.

You called me a coward for trying to avoid you

and I admit. I am. I'm weak.

I'm so weak that I cant help breaking your heart.

I thought you'd let me be me.

but instead you wanted me to be someone else.

A mirror of what you wished you were.

Didn't you?

I always felt what I did was never enough.

You kept singing praises of others.

Didn't you know that it let me down.

I gave alot more then you knew.

My friends.

My love.

My physical state.

at one point my mental state.

You said you were all alone, yet you wouldn't bother to open up anymore.

Do you hate me that much?

So many times I've kept thinking what would be like for all of you if I were gone.

Do you know what it'd do to a person.

To imagine how he never existed. It would drive him insane.

You told me countless of time how you wished you never have met him.

But didn't you know that you were wishing I was never here as well?

Your fears of me not supporting you later in the future.

I swore myself it would never happen.

Even death be upon me.

I swore on myself that I wouldn't be that villain you saw when you were young.

I swore on the Quran that I would never have changed.

I am me.

But I fear I'll be gone before you noticed that.

All this while. I was me.
This was probably the 2nd time I thought of doing it.

But I reminded myself why I didn't do it before.

I have never wished ill nor bad mouth you in front of a crowd of 1200.

Yet you seem so easy to do it.

You said my ego was to high.

Guess where I got it from.

Mother.

I'll get out of your hair before you know it.

I'll be gone before you know it.

I'm sorry.