following to my rules

mood: empty/tired
song : Sorry,Blame it on me - Akon /Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5

Thanks Mariam and Ruzana and the rest who send the condolences.But you two are willing to lend a shoulder,I appreciate that.

I'm just stressed out thats all.I really want to study but every time I come back I get tired easily and then doze off.My brother's not really helping..he's been a pain lately...and when i thought he's changed.Seeing my uncles,aunties and cousins cry so badly makes me feel pathetic.It looks as if I'm heartless.

And then everyone else have somebody to be there always..leaving me out..again..seriously,who would want to listen to my sob stories..Everyone's used to the cheery-happy-go-lucky me..even myself..so I was really shocked myself when I smiled when I goof off with alvin(I planned to sulk all day for some reasons)

I follow mainly 3 rules:
1)Its how you live your life and how people want to remember you as so make the most of it.
2)What is done is done and whats happened has happened..all you can do it to make things or make yourself feel better.
3)Help others not for the sake of doing a good deed,but for the sake of helping and to keep me busy so that I dont remember how stress I am.

Thats why probably every night,I do things to unstress myself so tomorrow would seem better.Probably on Sunday night I didnt do much of "unstressing" so the next day I seemed so annoyed.Cant blame me.I have to take my english and maths paper while my great grandmother is being buried and I cant be there to see her for the last time.

So I would really apologies to those who I "scared"or "shocked" yesterday,monday.

I really just feel stressed up and tired(I even bumped my head to a sharp corner of a table at home) and some reasons even when I try my best to be happy..I still feel hollow..

Maybe I need some time to think what to do next and destress after the exam.Or maybe focus on something else..either on that works..

And maybe asking for a relationship is too much to ask..so I'll just wait and see what happens like I always do

nights all