i wont lie

Mood:Hurting
Song : 30 seconds to mars - hero
Coldplay - scientist
I'm sorry for not blogging like I did in the past or in the previous blog.I've been busy and tired.The usual crap but I have to admit something.
I've been having a series of headaches that would make my knees weak.Would make me cry.Would stop me in my tracks.I dont know weather anyone has experience something like this but it hurts.I'm not trying to be a whiny bitch but it does hurt.It goes on and off.Doesnt tell me what causes it and what stops it.Its also making my body do very weird things;shivering,cold sweat,breathing difficulty,heatyness and feeling light headed.some say its in my head.some say I need rest

I'm sorry that I've not been coming to school.
I'm sorry that I've not been attenting NPCC
I'm sorry that I've not been in my top form
but still,

I want to be at my best
I want to make people smile
I want to make the best at every outcome
I want to be at the top
I want to find someone to be with
I want to be an idol to someone
and

I'm trying to do my best
I'm trying to make people smile
I'm trying to change
I'm trying not to get involved with so many things
I'm trying not to be so obsessed being the odd one out
I'm trying my best to make it seem that everything is ok
I'm trying
but

the pain..it wont go away.Everything I do,everything I've done,everything that I've hope for is disappearing.I feel as if I'm fighting a losing battle.
The people around me,the dont seem to be helpful.Some mock on what I believe on,who I believed in.Some took a drastic change and become what I'd feared the most.Some are taunting me,trying to make me do things I would never do.

hahaha..its late,night all